The Sunday Salon - Happy Feet

No. This isn't about the movie. It's actually about my battle with change. How I'm aching for it, as if I need to being doing something other than what I'm doing. And that I need to do that NOW.

I love my job. I do. But, I feel like I should be doing something else. Possibly somewhere else. There are still things I can accomplish where I'm at but they involve paperwork.  Which I hate, which you can tell from this blog.  Doing the reading sure, but the reviews? Not so much. 

I've been here before.  A little under two years ago.  But I didn't follow through with myself.  Sad, I know.  I blame it on my ADHD. Which I should get help for, but I can't remember to do that during working hours...never-ending cycle.  Anyway.  My dream of owning a bookstore keeps coming back to me. Now that Borders has closed here, only Barnes and Noble's sells new books.  We have a few used indie bookstores and one that sells new books but it's actually staffed by Notre Dame University and run by Follett Books, so not really independent IMO. 

There are quite a few bookstores within 50 miles of us, two actually specializes in kid's books.  So, I will have to visit them over Spring Break.  And maybe I can get a part-time job selling books.  Maybe that will cure me or be the change I'm looking for or maybe I'm just bored. 

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Introspection (2)

Blogging
It's September! I'm going to try and blog everyday this month. I'm not very good at scheduling posts in advance and really have a hard time with memes. I'll work both those things out as this month continues. I have several blog tours coming up and books that I've requested that from publishers plus some reviews from past months. I should be able to do this. I've not felt up to blogging these past two months and I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. We shall see!

Living Your Five
Kay Cassidy, and her author pals have come up with Living Your Five. "Living Your Five is all about knowing what matters most to you and making a difference in your world in ways large and small." The authors ask that you examine what's important to you and come up with five ways to live those important values everyday. They are going to transparently "live" their five through the group blog with posts every other day.

I've read all the Fives put out by these ladies as I've reflected on my Five. I still haven't put mine into words yet but I know they will have something to do with intentional living, decreased consumption, teaching or mentoring others, and positive communication. I will post them as soon as they are finalized.

Mock Newbery
I'm going to be doing this with a few teachers from my school. I've read more books off the St. Joseph Public Library's Mock Newbery list and am starting to get into this. It will be fun debating the merits of books with the teachers. My monthly list will be slightly different than St. Joe's because our focus will be more geared towards our jobs. I'll be posting our first reading list soon.

Introspection

Introspection - noun
1. observation or examination of one's own mental and emotional state, mental processes, etc.; the act of looking within oneself.

Lately, I've been feeling extremely introspective. I feel as if somewhere along the way - I lost my focus...at work, at home, at school. I am not satisfied with where my life is or where it appears to be headed. I need a change of direction 'cause we know that wherever you point your feet, that's the way you're headed, and you gotta turn around to go somewhere else. I've been thinking and re-thinking my decision to become a teacher-librarian. Was that the right decision?

I enjoy my job, immensely. I like working with a variety of teachers and students. I could be helping out in the science classroom one period and teaching on avoiding plagiarism the next. I get to read and suggest books that others should read. I do book talks and I teach students how to do them. My schedule is fairly flexible with the ability to move in and out of the library as needed. The variety is stimulating. But somehow, it's not enough.

One of the 6th grade teachers and I talked about a book she wanted to introduce to students this year - Dream by Susan V. Bosak. This books is connected to The Legacy Project. The 6th grade Nonfiction teachers will be focusing on helping students visualize, set, and reach goals. The more we talked the more I realized, this is the what I need. I need a definition. I need to look at my mission and vision - what am I doing to make them a reality?

A few years ago - when I wanted to leave teaching - I came across The Path by Laurie Beth Jones. I read (skimmed) the book and defined what I felt should be my mission. Should be, not is. My lack of commitment shows in the very fact that this workbook is empty! I didn't write in it. But somehow, I devised a mission and from that, I formed a vision. But I didn't write it down. I didn't communicate it to anyone. Which, in reality, means I can't make it happen.

Talking to the 6th grade teacher, emailing with Kay Cassidy, looking back over some posts I'd made earlier in the year, helped me to realize it's time. It's time to make a commitment - to myself. So, I'm stepping out on The Path, mindfully, spiritually, completely.

Last Saturday, August 8th, was my last early wake-up drive to Indy day. If I have to get up before 7am, I use an alarm set to music. When I woke up the song playing was "The Words I Would Say" by The Sidewalk Prophets and the little bit I heard:

Be strong in the Lord and
Never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know

God's got his hand on you so
Don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here

For some inexplicable reason I started crying. I pulled out my phone and did a Verizon Song ID, bought it, and have played it over and over since. There's a message in there for me. Or for me to give to someone. Not sure yet. Two specific lines in the song relate directly to two rings that I wear - Fear Not and Pray Hard. That's gotta mean something.

Introspection - it's where I'm at. Don't know how long I'll be here. Don't know how it'll affect this blog. I do know I'm tired of separating my life into boxes. I'm pointing my feet and I'm going that-a-way. Just wanted you to know.